And So It Goes
by Lady Akemi
Summary: Set after the defeat of Mariemeia's army, but before they go to Mars. Zechs tries to determine the nature of his and Noin's relationship. Could she possibly still love him, despite everything that has transpired?


And So It Goes  
By Lady Akemi   
  
Note: I corrected the spelling errors. I think the format may be a bit weird...please let me know.   
  
The smell of scorched metal was strong, even this far from the battlefield. They had flown nearly a mile away from all that chaos, and he was glad. He had seen Relena-she had been standing beside Heero, discretely supporting him. She was alive, and that was all that mattered for now. He had some more important business to attend to. There would be time later to explain to his somewhat temperamental little sister why for a year he had not given her any indication that he was still alive.   
  
Suddenly, Noin's Taurus began to descend. She was headed for a landing strip, and with a start he realized that the cluster of buildings below them must be Preventer headquarters. He slowed Tallgeese III's progress until it's speed matched that of noin's suit, and the two landed simultaneously. He sat there for a moment, trying to think of what to do next--what to say, now that the immediate and pressing need for action was over. Willing his heart to stop pounding, Zechs stood resolutely and exited the cockpit.  
  
  
In every heart there is a room,  
A sanctuary safe and strong,  
To heal the wounds of lovers past,  
Until a new one comes along.  
  
  
She was leaning against the white Taurus, arms folded characteristically across her chest. He was both pleased and saddened to see the friendly smile she offered him, but his feelings quickly turned to concern when he realized that she was cradling her left wrist.   
  
"You're hurt."   
  
She grimaced. "I've received worse wounds...you know that."  
  
"Let me see,' he demanded, reaching out his hand peremptorily. For a sickening moment he thought she looked as though she might step backward, away from him, but then she extended her left arm. Gently cradling her wrist, Zechs carefully examined the area on her forearm that was already beginning to swell.   
  
"I think it's just a sprain," he announced after a moment."   
  
He didn't really want to release her hand, but out of respect for her he did so. Noin had loved him once. He wasn't sure when he'd discovered it, but the idea had been a constant source of comfort during those long months of strife and upheaval during the war. Perhaps she loved him still-he was determined to find out, but he owed her an explanation first, and now was simply not the time. Not here, in the middle of the night on a landing strip under a hundred floodlights.   
  
"You should see a medic,"   
  
She gave a slight chuckle. "What, when there are several hundred soldiers with far more severe injuries than a sprained wrist? We were careful, but I'll bet you just about anything that most of the doctors in Brussels won't sleep tonight."  
  
  
I spoke to you in cautious tones,  
You answered me with no pretense,  
And still I feel I said too much,  
My silence is my self-defense.  
  
  
"Wait here," he said, and rapidly made his way back into Tallgeese III's cockpit. She was right, of course. There was little chance of her seeing a doctor tonight. But if he wasn't mistaken...yes, there it was, wedged under the seat. He dislodged the battered metal First Aid kit with a quick jerk and took out the piece of tri-angularly shaped cloth that was folded at the bottom. Most of the contents of the box spilled onto the floor, but he didn't bother to pick them up. Finally, there was no longer a need to keep his mobile suit constantly ready for battle.   
  
Noin was still leaning against her Taurus. She looked so tired. As he approached, Zechs held up the cloth. "It certainly won't be very elegant," he commented, "but it'll make things easier."  
  
"You don't have to..." she began, but he raised one hand to silence her protest.   
  
"Noin," he faltered a moment, then continued boldly, "you've gone out of your way to aid me hundreds of times. Let me at least do this for you." He stopped, feeling more than a little foolish. Hastily lowering his eyes, Zechs began to tie the makeshift sling over her shoulder.  
  
  
And every time I held a rose,  
It seems I only felt the thorns,  
And so it goes, and so it goes,  
And so will you soon I suppose.  
  
  
She was silent as he worked, gazing off into the sky. Once he stole a quick glance at her upturned face, and was reassured by its peaceful expression. Despite her infrequent outbursts of temper, he had always considered Noin one of the most tranquil people he had ever known. Her gentle encouragement had gone a long way toward easing much of his bottled up rage and guilt during their academy days. When he had discovered he had her love, as well as her friendship, the idea had been like a secret balm for his soul. But you waited too long. It took Epion's tampering with your mind to make you realize you loved her too. As he tied the knot over Noin's shoulder, Zechs tried to ignore the persistent whisperings of his conscience.   
  
"Is that any better?"  
  
She brought her gaze back to him, smiling slightly. "Much better, thanks.  
  
They stood in silence for a moment, and in that brief pause Zechs couldn't help but wonder if the murmurings of guilt he had been trying so hard to ignore might contain some measure of truth. After all, what sort of man needed to be partially under the control of a machine to acknowledge his own emotions? And yet, he argued, desperately striving to justify the past, it was Epion that gave you the vision-without that accursed machine, mankind's thirst for war would have continued indefinitely, wouldn't it?   
  
"I suppose we ought to go inside."   
  
Noin's calm voice broke through the tumult of his thoughts. He nodded, but did not move.   
  
"Are you cold?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Suddenly, Zechs realized that he was still standing very close to her. Such proximity had been necessary while he had been tying her sling, but now it seemed too intimate...too awkward. Feeling a slight flush rise to his face, he took a step backward and rotated his body slightly. Now they were both gazing at the same expanse of stars--dimmed somewhat by the glare of the floodlights, but still visible as tiny pinpoints of light against the velvet backdrop of the sky.  
  
"Are you cold, or would you mind standing out here a little longer?" He nearly added, "with me", but stopped himself just in time.   
  
"No. I'm fine." After a pause she continued, "Battles always leave me feeling overheated anyway."  
  
As the December wind whipped around them, Zechs wondered if she was feeling as unsettled as he. Their few exchanges during the battle had been fraught with emotion, but perhaps on her part it had only been concern for an old friend. She had certainly not expressed an extraordinary amount of joy upon discovering that he was still alive. But she had remembered their last meeting, down to the day. That doesn't mean anything, his mind contradicted, of course she'd remember-everyone recalls things that occur around the holidays. Christmas is a fixed annual point.  
  
  
But if my silence made you leave,   
Then that would be my worst mistake,  
So I will share this room with you,  
And you can have this heart to break.  
  
  
"Zechs?"  
  
He turned to look at her, pleased by how the moonlight perfectly illuminated her strong yet beautiful features. The dark fall of her bangs partially obscured one eye, and it took a great deal of self-control to keep from reaching out and pushing them behind her ear.  
  
"What is it, Noin?"   
  
"I..." She lowered her eyes. "I'm glad you decided to come back."   
  
He knew he should say something. She was asking him to say something...to acknowledge her regard-but what sort of regard was it?   
  
He opened his mouth and closed it again. Come on. You've made speeches to the entire human population. Can't you even tell the woman you love that you're glad to be back with her? What sort of man... He gritted his teeth and searched for the words to express what his heart was begging him to say.  
  
  
And this is why my eyes are closed,  
It's just as well, for all I've seen  
And so it goes, and so it goes,   
And you're the only one who knows.  
  
  
Through the commotion in his mind, Zechs heard Noin's voice again. She was still talking. If she could just say she loved him! Then it would all be so easy.  
  
"I didn't think you were dead. I don't know why I-I just couldn't believe it. And you're not, and I'm glad." Noin's voice trailed off, and she lowered her head.   
  
She had supported him through everything. Even though he had nearly killed her, she would not resent him. After everything he'd done she still cared. After all the masks he had worn, Zechs knew that she alone knew who he really was. Cursing himself for his ineptitude, he gave voice to the only one of his thoughts that made any sense.   
  
"Thank you."  
  
Several strong gusts of wind whipped across the landing strip in rapid succession. The frigid air carried with it the sickeningly acrid smell of battle. Noin hunched her shoulders in what he suspected was an attempt to get warm. Or is it because you couldn't match her candid admission with one of your own?  
  
"I think we should go inside." He said, not because he really wanted to, but because he couldn't think of a more suitable utterance.   
  
"Yes. I'm sure Sally has plenty of things for us to do." She looked relieved, and he felt yet another pang of regret for making her stand in the cold. But he couldn't bear the thought of interrupting their solitude. Not just yet. Despite the chill and the reek of war, they were alone under the stars.   
  
"Who's Sally?" he inquired, grasping at an excuse to buy time. He needed to say something. Even if what she'd said was merely an avowal of friendship, it could not be dismissed with a simple thank you.   
  
"Oh, that's right. You two haven't met yet. She piloted the Peacemelion after...after I left. She's my partner now."  
  
She had a new partner. Zechs didn't know why that prospect irritated him so much...perhaps it was the fact that he and Noin had always been something of an inseparable team. With the exception of a small number of missions, including the prolonged one that had separated him from her during the year prior to the war, they had always worked together.   
  
"Do you...do you work well together?"  
  
"Yes, I suppose so."  
  
I must know, once and for all.   
  
"Noin are you...have you been happy since the war ended?"  
  
He could feel her watching him, but he dared not meet her eyes.   
  
"Yes,' she said, after what seemed like a very long time. "I have."  
  
Afterwards, Zechs could never be certain if what happened next came about as a result of a conscious decision on his part or if it was merely the product of emotions too long pent up pouring out of their own accord. Unbidden the words came, as though that brief taste of jealousy had opened the floodgates of his soul.   
  
"That's almost too bad. I was hoping you'd be free to come back to Mars with me."   
  
For a moment silence reigned again, as Zechs berated himself for his complete mishandling of the situation. You've done it now. She's bound to think you don't even care at all about her, after hearing you talk so flippantly.   
  
"Did you want me to go with you?" Her normally expressive eyes revealed nothing. Desperately, he searched her face for any signs of strong emotion, but was met with only an inquiring smile.  
  
  
So I would choose to be with you,  
That's if the choice were mine to make,  
But you can make decisions too,  
And you can have this heart to break.  
  
  
Drawing a deep breath, Zechs took the plunge. "Yes. I did...rather, I still do..." for a moment words deserted him, and he struggled to keep from losing control over his voice. "That s, if you can forgive me. I know I owe you an explanation..."  
  
Suddenly he felt the soft brush of her fingertips on his arm. He'd been standing with his hands clasped behind his back, but at her touch he allowed his left arm to drop to his side. Her fingers rested on his forearm, and he held his breath-waiting, with his gaze fixed on the tarmac at their feet.  
  
"Zechs, look at me."  
  
Reluctantly, he raised is eyes to \meet her steady gaze.   
  
"I've been looking at you for the past twenty minutes," he informed her. "Even after such a fierce battle you're as beautiful as ever." Might as well tell the truth now. You may never get another chance, and since you've already gone this far...  
  
And then, suddenly, he saw it. In the moonlight, Noin's face seemed to glow with the radiance of her smile. This was a new smile, he realized-full of light and tenderness. Zechs held his breath, waiting for her next  
words. He knew, more surely than he had ever known anything, that whatever she said next would be the hinge upon which the remainder of his destiny swung.   
  
"Zechs I...of course I'll go with you."  
  
He didn't realize how deep was his sigh of relief until he heard her soft laugh.   
  
"You fool,: she chided gently, "I would have come to you any time during these past twelve months." She released his arm long enough to tenderly brush a few errant strands of platinum hair out of his eyes.   
  
Through the haze of his joy, Zechs remembered his flash of jealousy.   
  
"What about Sally?" he asked hesitantly. Vaguely he wondered if the smile he could feel tugging at his lips looked as good to her as hers did to him.   
  
"Oh, sh-she'll find another partner. I wouldn't b-be surprised if she enlists W-Wufei. But Z-Zechs," Noin's expression was questioning, "W-why Mars, of all th-th..."   
  
"I'll tell you all about it later,", he promised, reaching to take hold of her good hand. "But right now you need to get inside...you're teeth are chattering, and I'll see about finding you some pain killers for that wrist of yours."  
  
As they turned toward the largest of the buildings surrounding the landing strip, Noin tapped her thumb against their intertwined fingers.   
  
"You know," she said with a mischievous smile, "I don't need you to hold my hand."   
  
Without missing a beat, Zechs replied, "No, I know you don't...but I'd be honored to hold yours."  
  
And so it goes, and so it goes,  
And you're the only one who knows.  
  
  
Ok, you know the drill. I don't own it, I'm just addicted to it. If I owned it, there'd be more episodes. 'nuff said.   
  
"And So it Goes" belongs to Billy Joel, or whoever owns the copyright now.  
  
And to finish giving credit where it's do, go check out At The Last at www.geocities.com/tmtestosterone. Why, you ask. Because that's the first Zechs/Noin fic I ever read, and for that matter, it's the first GW fic I ever read. Needless to say, it got me hooked.  
  
I've got a lot more fics either half completed or scurrying around the mill that is my somewhat overtaxed mind. If you liked this fic, please let me know and I'll put more effort into completing some more.   
  
Domo Arrigato,   
Lady Akemi 


End file.
